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How Do I Know If Someone is the Right Friend for Me?

In a world where friendships can be “formed” with a swipe or a follow, it’s easy to make surface-level connection. But it is much, much harder to discern who truly belongs in your inner circle. We all yearn for friendships that uplift, encourage, and support us in loving, spiritually-minded ways.

But how can you tell if someone is genuinely a “right friend” or just a convenient companion?

In this article, you’ll discover biblically grounded wisdom and practical insights to help you:

Let’s dive into what Scripture teaches and what that means for the friendships you choose to nurture.

What the Bible says about true friendship

The Bible is filled with stories and principles that teach us how to build and recognise genuine friendships.

Let’s start with some wisdom from the book of Proverbs:

“A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24, NKJV).

This reminds us that true friends are not just social companions but loyal supporters who make time and effort to stick with us through both good times and bad times.

Biblical friendships are rooted in honesty, loyalty, and shared values. Think of Jonathan and David (1st Samuel 18, 20). Their bond was marked by mutual respect, spiritual connection, and selfless support.

A true friend doesn’t just make you feel good; they encourage your walk with God and celebrate your growth. A true friend doesn’t only pay attention to you when it’s convenient, or only when you’re having fun.

But how do you know whether someone fits this description?

Let’s explore some signs that can help you discern that.

Red flags and unhealthy patterns to look out for

Before you can build genuine friendships, it’s essential to recognise when a connection isn’t beneficial for your emotional or spiritual well-being.

First of all, pay attention to how you feel when you’re around them. Or even when you think about them.

Do they give you a boost, or do they drain you of energy or patience?

If someone constantly chips away at your self-esteem, avoids honest communication, or only shows up when it’s convenient or favourable for them, they may not be the right kind of friend you are searching for.

Research confirms that unhealthy adult friendships can have a significant, negative impact on emotional well-being and overall life satisfaction. According to a 2023 systematic review published in the National Library of Medicine, poor-quality friendships—those characterised by conflict, imbalance, or emotional detachment—are associated with lower levels of psychological health and self-esteem.1

This highlights the importance of closely examining the signs of toxic or draining connections.

Watch out for these signs:

  • The friend never seems happy for you when you succeed
  • They disappear in hard times
  • They only talk about themselves and rarely ask how you feel
  • You feel anxious or less confident after spending time with them
  • You feel like you have to put a lot of time and effort into simply maintaining regular communication with them

These kinds of adult friendships may seem genuine on the surface, but without mutual respect, effort, and support, they can become more of a burden than a blessing.

And that leads us to a better understanding of what to look for instead.

Qualities of true, sincere, supportive friends

Godly friends are a gift.

They are the kind of people who communicate openly, hold you accountable, and walk along with you even in silence. A loyal friend isn’t perfect, but they show up, listen, and celebrate your wins with shared joy. They are willing to pray for you or pray with you.

Here are key qualities to look for in supportive, spiritually grounded friendships:

  • They make time for you even when life is busy
  • They speak truth with grace, rooted in the Word
  • They support your values and help you grow in faith
  • They make you feel valuable without needing to impress them
  • They extend forgiveness and seek reconciliation when misunderstandings happen

Real friendships take effort, but they also build self-confidence and emotional resilience. When you find true friends who love you as Christ does, you begin to flourish, and so does your faith.

So then, how do we become that kind of friend?

Becoming the friend you want to find

True friendships are mutual. If you desire friendships built on loyalty, support, and honesty, it begins with becoming that kind of person yourself.

Ask yourself these questions: Do I make time for others? Do I communicate openly? Do I celebrate others even when I’m struggling?

Improving your social skills, growing in self-confidence, and aligning your actions with your faith are all crucial steps in attracting the right people. When you feel good about who you are in Christ, you naturally invite friendships that reflect that goodness.

Let your life be a reflection of this wisdom from the Bible:

“As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” (Proverbs 27:17, NKJV).

When you support others unconditionally, listen to them intently, take time to understand their challenges, and commit to honesty even when it’s hard, you set the foundation for long-lasting, meaningful connections.

Choosing the right kind of friendships for your journey

Friendship is a divine gift.

And finding the right friend isn’t about perfection. It’s about shared purpose, mutual growth, and consistent love. Make sure you surround yourself with people who help you walk closer to God, who bring out your best, and who feel like a blessing rather than a burden. And most importantly, be that kind of friend to others.

Want more Bible-based guidance on building healthy relationships?

Explore these helpful reads next:

  1. Pezirkianidis, C., Galanaki, E., Raftopoulou, G., Moraitou, D., & Stalikas, A. (2023). Adult friendship and wellbeing: A systematic review with practical implications. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1059057. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1059057 [↵]

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